I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
