You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Boobs speak an international language.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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