I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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