We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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