Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
love makes seman taste better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
