The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
