I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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