You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
