There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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