Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
