This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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