Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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