The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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