You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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