Jerry, you need to find god
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
