Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
