I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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