Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
