i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
