He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
