WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
