Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my shit smells like andre
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
