since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
