My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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