btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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