she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
