Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
