There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
