So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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