Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
