get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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