My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
