3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
