i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
