shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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