I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
