I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
