When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
