Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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