i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
