what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
