you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
