I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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