its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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