i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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