fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
