my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
