Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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