Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
