so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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