OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
