my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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